I bet you don’t think about the restroom as much as I do…
I’ve surveyed the people and have confirmed that I think about the restroom way more than your average person. You may be asking yourself why this is? Kids. That is my answer.
One of the gifts of working in the child sexual abuse and child abduction world is hypervigilance. As my children get older and I navigate the space of helping them become more independent, the bathroom is one of the hardest spaces for me to navigate. I have to think about the age and maturity of each one of my kids, I have to think about how many people use the restroom at any given moment, and how far away the restroom is from me at the time.
As my oldest turned 8, I have found myself thinking more and more about restrooms and I thought I would share my lovely thoughts with you all…
Public park restrooms = automatic no. I know way too many cases where sexual assault and/or abduction has taken place at a park restroom. There’s too much foot traffic and too much open space for me to ensure that my kid will be safe going to the restroom alone.
Grocery/retail store = It depends. If the store is small (and clean) I will let my 8-year old go alone. However, I wait in line with her, make sure the restroom is clean and empty and then allow her to go in alone, while remaining close by.
Restaurants = It depends. Sports bar is a hard no. Smaller restaurants, I will check out the restroom and allow her to go alone and come back to our table within a reasonable time frame.
Friends/family home = yes. When we are among close friends and family, the restroom is a non-issue for me. However, if we are at a large event or at an event with people we do not know, I will ask her to check in with me to let me know she is going to the restroom.
Large venues (ie: shopping mall, fair, amusement park, zoo) = no. My 8-year-old is still not aware of her surroundings enough for me to trust that she can go to and from the restroom alone and I do not trust that she will not get lost.
I will admit that I am more concerned and worried than most parents, the job does that to you. There’s a balance that is needed between protecting your kids and creating fear in them. I want my daughter to keep her innocence and to believe that most people are good, however, I also want her to be aware of her surroundings, question things when she feels uncomfortable, and not trust easily.
